Guess What? Today is Assholes Don't Go to Work Day

Everyday I drag my ass to a job that I pretty much don’t want to be at. I sit for 8 hours in front of a computer and watch as my Outlook box fills with spam that scoffs at the bootleg 2nd hand software we bought to block it. I take the bus home with a bunch of miscellaneours. I sit down, open my bills, exclaim “f*!# you” to Discover Card for duping me once again (Discover Card billing department = 5 points, Miss Misc = -50) and pour myself a glass of lactose free milk to calm my nerves.

I guess you could say that my money is always funny because being a member of the Department of Miscellaneousness doesn’t pay. So imagine my surprise when I left for lunch today and discovered that most people don’t have to work. Apparently there’s a money tree somewhere in Chicago that I have yet to find. I ain’t never seen so manly assholes chillin in the middle of the day without a care in the world. They’re everywhere! Shucking and jiving and shopping at the American Girl store like it’s already the day after Thanksgiving. I just don’t get it. Did I miss the memo that said adults don’t need to pull an income to pay their bills? Shit, maybe it got lost in my inbox.