I Work for a Klassy Kompany

Our President thinks he is da bomb. He likes to remind us of this by having mandatory staff functions to celebrate his various accomplishments: The day he was born, the day he started pre-school, the first time he scored, etc. This time he celebrated a decade at the company by making us walk a mile to a piano bar for free drinks and deep fried hors d’oeuvres.

After listening to painful renditions of “Baby Got Back,” “Remix to Ignition” and “Kiss,” our Prez was asked to get up on stage. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to plan my escape (listen bitches, if I get off at 4:30 I’m leaving at 4:30 and an open bar won’t stop me) when all of a sudden the Prez is singing “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.” Hardy, har, har. Then it morphed into “Head, Shoulders, Sack and Crack…” The epitome of klassiness. I was horrified into silence. It was like a train wreck, you don’t want to watch but you can’t turn away from the carnage.

I am seriously considering taking this job off of my resume and telling potential employers that I was on a spiritual retreat for the past 3 years. At least that would spare me the embarrassment of admitting that I work in a fucking circus.