Revenge of the Wonk

A post by deerylou, contributing blogger

i have a wonky tooth. it's the incisor to the right on the top. it's not particulary fang-like, but it juts out a bit. i had braces when i was 13 but i never wore my retainer (cuz that shit hurt) and it WANTED to be wonky, so it slid right back out to its 40-degree angle. i do not look as bad as kirsten dunst, as she has the double-wonk, but it is noticeable.

last week i was in bed and my cell phone, which i use as an alarm clock as well, went off. i am a goddamn disaster in the morning - waking up is a process, where i hit snooze and cocoon myself and i'm all blind and confused. so my phone's alarm went off, and i lifted it over my head (far-sighted) to see what time it was and then accidentally dropped it. directly into my face. from a foot away.

it hit my mouth and caused my wonky tooth to sink - hard - into my bottom lip. and i started bleeding. which made me insanely pissed off. i had to decide whether it was worse to get out of bed (which i hate doing) or swallow my own blood (which is repulsive). i ended up doing a bit of both.

my split lip took its slowass time to heal, too. i think my wonky toof was reminding me that it was sick of being mocked. i got the message, bitch - no more attempts to straighten you and no more pointing out how fucked-up you look.