Asshole Parents

Buh-buh-buh-Buhster here...

Anybody who knows me, knows that I am the sweatiest person alive. I could be sitting perfectly still, and my nose will inexplicably start beading up with sweat. So it's no surprise that when I'm running, I look like someone just dumped a bucket of water all over me. I look pretty damn pathetic (and gross).

I say all this because yesterday I decided to run home from work. After running through the heat and humidity in the thick of downtown, dodging meandering miscellaneours on the sidewalk and trying not to suffocate behind the CTA bus exhaust fumes, I finally made it to the Lakeshore Path.

Where I entered, there was a glorious water fountain waiting for me. Unfortunately, just as I was approaching, a family of four (clearly from the suburbs what with mom and her awesome fanny pack attached firmly to her waist) decides to rush to the fountain just before me. Dad goes and drinks, followed by kid #1, kid #2 and then mom. Just as I'm about to get to the fountain, kid #1 jumps back over to the fountain and starts drinking...and drinking...and drinking. And this kid wasn't an innocent little 5 year old who didn't know any better. Had to have been at least 14.

So there I am...standing there...in all my disgusting sweaty glory...panting...waiting...

Worst part about all of it - the asshole parents stood there watching him and then looking at me out of the corner of their eyes.

Why? Why are you knowingly grooming your kids to be assholes? I can guarantee that your walk from Navy Pier to Ohio Street Beach was not all that taxing.

I'm now starting to see why we are able to have an asshole of the day damn near everyday. It's because everyday, asshole parents like these two are creating the future assholes of America.

Miss Misc said if I would've taken him out by the knees, she would've posted bond. Noted for the future.

Keep that in mind, assholes.