The Roach, The Boogie and The Midget

Twas an eventful week on the CTA my friends. As budget cuts loom, it's comforting to know that I'll always run across something totally outlandish and/or disgusting while riding the express:

The roach who tipped his hat: I was sitting in the back, trying to figure out how to put a hit out on both my bosses without it seeming suspicious, when I heard a British accent say, "Good Day Madam." I looked around to see who it was, low and behold, it was a very dignified roach sitting on the window sill. He then proceeded to tip his hat and scurry away. This may be a slight exaggeration, the point being, wtf was a roach doing next to me on the bus!?
Booger Fingers: Stumbling toward the backdoor of the bus to hop off, when I see an older woman, who had apparently mistaken her nose for the Klondike, ho was truly digging like there was gold up in there. Nasty ass then proceeded to put her booger fingers on every single surface she could find before hopping off. Makes you think twice about holding the rail with a bare hand.

Midgets need love to: It's an ongoing joke that I only attract certain kinds of men, that being the ones I don't like, who are short, and too old for me. Now the bus midget, who also goes to my gym (cause everybody goes to my gym apparently) seems to be a nice guy. But if I'm 5'5" and I'm looking down on you, we have a problem, a big problem. It's sad though, he's one of the few men I've met lately who is gainfully employed and actually seems decent. Maybe I'm being short-sighted (ba dum buh). I have a lot of growing to do as a person (te he he)
I am such an asshole.