Assholeness Attracts Assholeness: A Case Study

You guys will never believe this, but in real life, I'm really not that big of an asshole. In fact, I'd go as far as to call myself an optimist. I'm usually the one telling people that they stepped in shit so that they'd go to the nearest watersource to rinse it off and fall in love with their soulmate.

So imagine my surprise when I started reading a book that professed that basically assholes attract assholes and assholish situations. Could it be that this blog and my frequent use of the word asshole (even if it's all an internal conversation) could be the cause of my current distress?

How can it be my fault that I attract assholes and that I feel the need to write about those punk ass bitches in my very own blog forum? I'd like to write the author(s) to ask how in the hell I brought this shit upon myself. It ain't my fault that I work for the Witches of Eastwick. Sigh, so in attempt to change my fate, I am going to conduct a highly scientific study and stop being an asshole and stop calling others assholes for an entire week. I will need your encouragement to get through what I'm sure will be a very difficult time for me.