Asshole of the Month

Creepy, Can't Take a Hint Guy

Believe it or not, I'm usually a pretty nice person. In fact, I'd say the niceness outshines the assholishness on most days. But that nice shit can backfire on you. I was having a great weekend, minding my own business, eating brownies and frappuccino for breakfast, mindlessly spending money at Target on pure miscellaneousness, running errands when I run into an old coworker.

I go out of my way to say hi and we chat for a while. I decide I need to keep running errands so I can be home and settled for Desperate Housewives, so I tell Mr. Creepy I have to go. He walks me out (hmmm, nice of him) and continues to walk with me down to my next errand. Not incredibly strange, so we keep chatting. After 5 blocks I'm like "uh yeah, well I gotta go grocery shopping," so Mr Creepy is like okay and follows me into the store where he proceeds to pull out a cart. By this time my weird-dar (not nearly as fine tuned as my gaydar) begins to beep, cause we aint the fucking Cosby's and I was not about to grocery shop with a random ex-coworker (who has always been very weird, scary and creepy now that I think about it.) So, I grab a basket, tell him I gotta hurry and I'll holla if I see him. So he goes to the cash machine and I breathe a sigh of relief, until I get to the front of the store 20 minutes later and see him waiting for me! My weird dar is now doing the Chicken Dance and telling me to run like the wind. So I nervously wait for checkout since I can't just drop my shit at this point.

So when he tries to take my bags, I'm like, "dude, nice to see ya, but I gotta go." I walk out the store like an Olympic speedwalker and try to figure out the quickest route home. This is when he decides he's been slighted and he goes off on me. So apparently he feels like I'm making him look like a pervert cause I'm walking away. Somehow it's my fault that he's been following me around like a puppy for the past 45 minutes.

Listen, Can't Take a Hint Guy, I told you about 50 million times that unlike you, I have a life and shit to do. Don't be taking it out on me cause you hate the world and got fired 4 months ago and aint got no job (that's a whole 'nother post.)

So now, big sigh, based on advice from Buhster, I gotta go buy mace cause the Asshole of the Month lives a block away and he's just crazy enough to take vengeance on my ass. Now ain't this about some bullshit? This is why being nice is dumb and being an asshole to everyone always pays off.

Oh the pic? That's the episode of the Twilight Zone that always scared the shit out of me, not unlike Creepy Guy.