Thursday, April 26, 2007

CTA Assholes

Buhster buh-buh-buh-back in blogging action...

Miss Misc and I post A LOT about the assholes on the CTA (Chicago Transit Authority for you non-Chicagoans), so I figure they should have their own "Asshole" group.

Today, I'd like to talk about the space-triflin asshole. You know, it's the guy who thinks he's a lot bigger than he actually is and therefore has the right to encroach upon your personal space.

I had a space-triflin asshole sit down in between me and another girl one evening on my way home from work. Astonishingly, he seemed to take up my seat, his seat and the girl's seat on the other side of him. And it got even worse when the girl on his other side got off the bus and another man took her seat. Clearly the space-triflin asshole didn't want to touch another man, so he proceeded to lean into me shoving my left shoulder into the back of the seats next to us. What's worse is that he got all huffy when I started to push back.

Look, space-triflin asshole, just because you're delusional and think you're as big as Hulk Hogan doesn't mean I have to put up with bruises on my shoulder. Besides, my pushing back may be the most action you'll see in the next year.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Asshole of the Day


The "Do you have change for a $5 Guy"

My area has a few homeless guys, who I seriously suspect of having living quarters somewhere in the vicinity...probably better than my own. Anyways, they have taken to drumming on buckets to get people to give up a little dough. One well-dressed good samaritan decided to stop and make a donation. He whips out a $5...then asks the homeless guy for $3 in change. Hold up, wait a minute...you CANNOT ask homeless people for change. If you whip out the money, then you should be prepared to stop, drop, and keep on walking.
The homeless guy was as surprised as me and proceeded to dig through his money bucket for singles. You, Mr. Good Samaritan, are an ASSHOLE for doing that.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

An Open Resignation Letter

Dear A-holes,

Effective ASAP, Miss Misc will no longer be employed by your dorito mess of buhness.

Cry me a river. Yo fault. Hahaha...haha...ha.


-Buhster, Former Disgruntled Employee

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Men I Would Never Date


The other day I found myself baking brownies and cookies just for the hell of it. It took me all day, but not to worry cause I had nothing else to do.
This may be a huge indicator that I need to get a date, a man, or just laid, but I look for quality over quantity.

And there is some shit I can just not tolerate such as:

A man who is obviously hungry when he approaches me, i.e.: "You look good enough to eat," "Aren't you young and fresh" Do I look like a fucking chicken wing to you? Take your ass to Harold's with that crap.

A man who takes a step aerobics class: Honey, when you swivel better than me we have a problem.

A man that was enlisted in the military before I made my trip through my mom's ovaries: Hey asshole! Yeah, you over there. If your birthyear doesnt start with a 7 or an 8, get the hell up out of my face and go collect your SSI before it disappears...bastard.

You've Got to See it to Believe it


It has been an eventful few weeks for Miss Misc and I've delighted in witnessing the following events:

A vending machine in the Minnesota airport...a Proactive Solution vending machine. Just in case you left your acne medication at home, just insert a $20 bill and you're all set.

A crazy man on Michigan Ave...who happens to own and operate a thriving deli on prime real estate. Please tell me why he was rollerblading, using ski poles to propel him forward, along the Magnificent Mile? He didn't let red lights and crowds deter him. He tapped his ski pole so that people would think he was blind and move out of the way.

The Nazi Crossing Guard: Aren't crossing guards supposed to prevent accidents caused by careless drivers and pedestrians? Well not my crossing guard. He delights in the rush he gets from throwing his hand up to stop traffic and blowing his shiny whistle whenever he pleases. He almost caused a major traffic accident and got a little girl hit the other day. Thanks City of Chicago for sending one of your finest out to protect me.