People I Hate

Let me tell ya, Kelis is brilliant cause she decided to make money off of the people she hates through song and lyric. I, on the other hand, choose to blog. Please note this is not a comprehensive list of everyone I hate, just the people I've hated in the last 30 minutes.

1. The new year's resolution women at the gym who have the nerve to hate on me. Listen ho, while I was in here sweating in Novemeber, your ass was raiding the office candy jar for leftover Halloween goodies. Now you want to come up in here walking on the treadmill (like that's going to do you any good) and giving me and my thighs the evil eye. Two words for you: YO FAULT

2. The "I'm going to stand here in front of three empty seats" guy on the bus. Dude, sit your little narrow ass down, that's what seats are for. (But don't sit next to me) And stop breathing on me, that's how Ebola gets spread around.

3. The girl who ran out of the house and forgot her coat. Don't you dare stand there with your red nose and shiver. What kind of asshole comes outside in 15 degree weather without a coat? You gets no sympathy from me.

4. The staring miscellaneour. Sigh, Buhster pretty much covered this topic but let me expand. Yes, I'm cute. Yeah...they're real. Sometimes I wish I could stare at me too, but what the hell is your problem? Because when people are engaging in a staring contest it's only proper manners to inform the other person involved.

Misctery Theater Presents...

...Employers who don't use their powers to fire crappy employees. A Buhster investigation...

Can't write a simple letter? Don't know how to use the Microsoft Office suite? Can't manage to return phone calls in a professional and timely manner? Don't worry! You'll get a "promotion" to a new position that didn't previously exist - AND it'll be a prestigious title like "director" or "manager."

It continues to be a mystery to Miss Misc and me as to why employers shift bad employees rather than firing them. Their passive aggressiveness makes our jobs even harder and more frustrating than they already are.

Therefore, I would like to put a request for information out there in cyberland...

Calling all lawyers, HR professionals and executives: Why is it so hard to fire incompetent employees? Is there that much of a risk of a lawsuit? Does your lack of productivity from these fools really cost less than a potential lawsuit? And really, if they're that shitty, do you really think they have grounds to sue or are you just too lazy/wussy to do anything about it?

Question

Buh-Buh-Buh-Buhster's enquiring mind wants to know...

Is mediocrity the key to success?

It seems to me that it is. Regardless of whether you're an "office professional" or someone who works in the service/manual labor industries, it seems to me that mediocrity is the best route. I'll give you an example.

Mama Buhster works as a prep cook at a popular restaurant. She is given a sheet with all of the things she needs to make and the time in which she has to do it. While this 65 year old woman is running around like a chicken with her head cut off so that she can finish all of her tasks and have time to get a head start on the next day, her co-workers who are half her age are doing their damnest either to hit their time exactly or stretch it out so that they can get paid overtime. Does Mama Buhster get any extra rewards? Nope. In fact, those other assholes still get fairly decent performance reviews and raises. The worst part is, people encourage her to just slow her work down and to go with the flow because "that's how it is around here."

And apparently questioning the system that you work in to hopefully improve the process gets you in trouble too, as Miss Misc pointed out in a previous post.

Thus, it seems to me that being mediocre and not rocking the boat is the best way to get ahead these days. Pretty sad lesson to learn at such a young age, eh?

Asshole of the Day

The Early Bird

It is usually 7:15 am when I stumble onto my bus. To my horror, some people seem to be wide awake and alert, ready to start their day. I am not a morning person. In order to avoid my wrath, please observe the following five rules:

1. Don't look at me
2. Don't smile at me
3. Don't talk to me
4. Don't talk to anyone else
5. Breathe only when you begin to feel dizzy

Asshole of the Day: The Skinny Jean

Dear Retail Stores of the world that catch a trend and run with it:

Miss Misc is a triple-threat or HAT (Hips, Ass and Thighs) Please recut your jeans accordingly.

Asshole of the Day

The "This Seat Looks Comfy" Lady

So let me get this straight. Although there are 50 empty seats on this bus, you are inclined to sit by me. Let me scan the bus quickly…yeah, just as I suspected. I am the only person who has a seat mate. Huh? You want me to move my coat so you can sit more comfortably? Lady, you have a lot of balls. And for the record Rosa Parks (RIP) fought so I wouldn’t have to sit next to assholes like you.

I Attract Crazies

For your entertainment, I am including snippets of three conversations I have had or been privy to in the past two weeks. How, oh how, do I wind up in these situations?

Today, minding my business on the bus stop, approached by crazy with grocery cart. Proceed to help crazy lady lift cart onto bus (another reason old people are trouble on CTA, man up and carry the bags assholes) "it sure is cold out here. My daughter broke her foot, i told her she needs to get outside, she's hibernating." (Yelling at teenager crossing the street) "You're gonna die! Can't cross the street like that."

Sunday, seemingly normal guy approaches me on the train and asks for the time. Conversation proceeds like so, "I like apple pie. Can I have one of your cookies?" ( I give him a cookie) "Are we friends now?" ummmm, sure. "I'm gay, did you know I was gay?" (does something nasty with his tongue) conversation lasts 40 minutes until I can escape to the safelty of the red line.

Sometime Last Week, at the gym washing my hands. Two ladies having a conversation, suddently I notice that one is brushing out her wig. "Girl that wig is cute!" "Oh this thing? It's my work out wig, gotta look good." Proceeds to change out of her, ummm, daytime wig, into her work out wig.

Miscellaneour Alert

Buh-Buh-Buh-Buhster back at ya...

For about two minutes on Sunday afternoon, I seriously considered getting my tubes tied. Seriously. I was stuck in a train car with a bunch of miscellaneous kids who were running around like it was a damn McDonald's jungle gym.

And then it occurred to me...it's not the kids' faults that they're such little punks. It's the parents' fault.

Back when I was a young Buhster, running around like wild animals with no regard for other people's space or property was absolutely unheard of. And you want to know why? It's because Mama Buhster didn't put up with any of that bullshit. The woman worked two jobs and managed to raise four children who behaved like human beings - we knew how to have fun but weren't assholes around strangers or in public.

The worst part about it was that the lazy parent miscellaneours were not only lazy, they were subservient. Who cares where Timmy wants to sit? Timmy will sit where Timmy is told to sit. This isn't a Burger King - you can't have it your way.

It's a Stew Knocking

Phukker here on the front lines of miscellaneous for you, you, and you. I got to tell ya - it feels like I've had the stew knocked out of me by triflin' miscellanors. Not only do I get to deal with miscellaneous bullshit day in and day out my friends, but I have been granted a miscellaneous promotion. Yes, that's right a miscellaneous promotion, but wait – what?…not quite yet. This is what makes it miscellaneous: the promotion was retroactively announced. It don't happen for six months. Is this normal? "Hey, you're doing a great job. We want to promote you." Psych! You gotta wait for six months though sucker. I understand effective in four weeks, or beginning talks about it, but to drop that bomb six months ahead of time? Hell, I might not be alive then. I might not even be livin' in this state. So what fuuuuu? Help me out people, cause that one knock the breath out of me.

Tales of a Panty Snatcher

For the new year, I decided to do something that every girl past puberty but less than 50 has thought of at one point or another: attempt to have matching underwear and bras simultaneously. I voyaged out to a very popular lingerie store to complete this mission. After digging through bins of discount drawers and over the shoulder boulder holders I proceeded to stand in an obnoxiously long dressing room line followed by an even longer register line (in the process some old lady tried to sale me her $50 gift certificate because "she sure as hell didn't need it" thus proving my above mentioned statement.)

The sales girl, who sort of reminded me of Rue Paul, rung up my stuff which of course should have totalled more than my gift certificate, cause that's how it always works out, when low and behold, it was mysteriously less than expected.

Me, being the extremely honest person that I am...didn't say shit. Yes folks, my $40 bra was reduced to $4.99. Should I have said something? Hell to the naw. YO FAULT! But you best believe I walked my thievin ass out of there pretty quickly.