Thursday, January 31, 2008

A Request to Mayor Daley

Dear Mayor Daley,

Seeing as how it looks like the mother fuckin' tundra outside, we'd like to ask that you shut down the city tomorrow so that our asses don't have to go to work.

If you agree to our request, we shall make you the Grand Poobah of Les Misc for the day. Think about it.

Hugs and Kisses,
Buhster and Miss Misc

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Cause I'd Rather Be Homeless Than Take Your Shit


Ummm, yeah, Miss Misc has a confession...I kind of, sort of, quit my job today.
Do I what? Oh no, I don't have another one yet. Nope, not independently rich yet either. Sugardaddy? Haven't found one. Am I crazy? Perhaps, but I would rather walk dogs, make mochalattes and wash cars in my bikini singing Bohemian Rhapsody than work for these bitch ass hoes any longer.

I gave a two-week notice, but I'm considering calling in sick 10 days in a row. Cough cough assholes.

Miss Misc +1 and an unemployment check
Witches of Eastwick + my current salary and benefits...oh well

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Asshole of the Day


The Straddler Asshole

So I'm in the grocery store with a full cart, shopping like I got 3 kids and a husband. I go to get in one of the lines but I'm strangely blocked...by not one, but two assholes who couldn't decided which line they were in. Both had their carts parked horizontally, waiting to see which line would go faster. This is essence blocked four check out lines. Listen you fucking retards, can you pick a line and go with it? The 45 seconds you save by line-hopping is really not much in the scheme of your miserable fucking life. In the immortal words of Ludacris "move bitch get out the way."

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I retract that last post; the world is indeed full of assholes


Not 24 hours after I turned in my platinum asshole card , somebody decided to be me. That's right, good ol' identity theft. I'll take a bit of responsibility I dropped my wallet with an ATM card I had just activated. But whoever the ASSHOLE was who found it spent $1,800 in less than 5 hours.

I'd like to shoot someone right now, but instead I'm going to continue the experiment, cause if I find the motherfucker who decided to fill up three of his friends' gas tanks on my dime, I'm going to go to jail.

Friday, January 11, 2008

My Life as A Non-Asshole: Day 1

Uhhhh, woah. Being a non-asshole seems to be paying off. Today I woke up cursing my bosses and promptly called in sick. This had been planned for over a week, as I had lined up two job interviews and planned to attend a career fair. For some strange reasons the stars decided to align. I went to the fair and made a bunch of great contacts. I ran into a guy who I would holla at if he seriously weren't smaller than me in height and width. I decided to stick him in the "maybe one day" column and planned to meet (platonically) tomorrow.

I went to my first interview at a huge corporation and the guy loved me (gay men often do.) I'll know what's up with that next week.

I went to my second interview and they loved me too. While I was doing that I got a message from another company who wants me to come interview and has already been grilling my former colleague about me. According to her they're going to go after me.

I proceeded to flirt/grin at every man around and was promptly chased around by a homeless guy and a cook at Harold's Chicken.

Then lo and behold my booty call asked me to go out with him and pack my bags for a sleepover (ah hem.) Damn, if I'd known it'd be like this I would have turned my asshole card in a long time ago.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Assholeness Attracts Assholeness: A Case Study


You guys will never believe this, but in real life, I'm really not that big of an asshole. In fact, I'd go as far as to call myself an optimist. I'm usually the one telling people that they stepped in shit so that they'd go to the nearest watersource to rinse it off and fall in love with their soulmate.

So imagine my surprise when I started reading a book that professed that basically assholes attract assholes and assholish situations. Could it be that this blog and my frequent use of the word asshole (even if it's all an internal conversation) could be the cause of my current distress?

How can it be my fault that I attract assholes and that I feel the need to write about those punk ass bitches in my very own blog forum? I'd like to write the author(s) to ask how in the hell I brought this shit upon myself. It ain't my fault that I work for the Witches of Eastwick. Sigh, so in attempt to change my fate, I am going to conduct a highly scientific study and stop being an asshole and stop calling others assholes for an entire week. I will need your encouragement to get through what I'm sure will be a very difficult time for me.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Damn, New Year, Same ol' Shit


I think Buhster and Phukker would agree that the new year seemed to bring with it a lot of the same damn problems. Though it is only January 3, we each sat at work with our own set of problems and an ever growing list of why we hate our jobs. However, it wasn't until I went to the gym (in attempt to work off some stress) that I realized just how miserable I was.

Not one, but two men I've chatted with casually came up to me and asked how my job search was going. Both wanted me to cheer up and keep my head up. I mean damn ya'll, I literally don't know either of these guys' last names yet they know I'm job hunting like a fiend? I must have a stamp on my forehead that says "PLEASE SAVE ME FROM ASSHOLES." Would it be inappropriate to post my resume on the blog? Cause it has come to that.